After the death of X, I have been thinking about God/Afterlife

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
The fact that you are thinking about this is rooted in something that God has put in every person
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day. John 6:44
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
You only come to the father if he draws you. The fact that you are thinking about this means he is drawing you!
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
He wants to be found and have a relationship with you.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
He promises that you will find him.

Why would he want a relationship?

Example

You can not give the Almighty God anything by work. He definitely doesn’t need a fleshly butler.

Why am I then experiencing this?

Without this experience, you would not search for God.

Example

The theif on the cross was a Criminal and lived his life to the fullest. On the cross, he comes into contact with death and turns to Jesus. He is hanging on the cross, and nothing worldly can offer him anything anymore and his heart wants Jesus.

And he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Luke 23:42
Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." John 3:3
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
Everything you may have hoped for or wished from God is contained in His Son Jesus, whom you can now have, just like the thief on the cross.
Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them. Hebrews 7:25
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved
In order for Him to reveal Himself, you must be close. He can only be close to those who want it as well. He must respect your free will.

Example

He is waiting at your door and knocking. But you are waiting for Him in your living room with headphones on, expecting Him to come in. You just open the door silently and look at Him passively, and He asks, “So, may I come in now?” It is a constant invitation toward the Lord, where you allow Him to enter with your words and ask Him to live within you.

Prayer

Jesus, I invite you into my life. Jesus, show yourself to me in my life. Reveal yourself to me. I want to get to know you.